We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
