i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
