Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
