Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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