he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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