At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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