I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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