Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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