she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
