so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
