that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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