he thought i was a dude.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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