Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think my moral compass just broke
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
