She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
