I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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