i permit you to call me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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