And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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