a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
