I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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