its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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