You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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