I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
