fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
