Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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