just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
