I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
