Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
