Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
