I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize