Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
