are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
