He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
