I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
