i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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