if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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