Is it normal to miss your booty call?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
