alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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