my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
