Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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