I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
this will be a night to untag.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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