My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
