Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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