Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
