nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He passed out mid-signature
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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