It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
