When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
