i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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