he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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