My Higher Power is John Stamos
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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