STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
