ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's blow job season.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
