but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
