she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
