I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize