what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
