We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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