he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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