good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
