Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
