My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
you made out with another girl for some wings
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
