Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
