You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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