So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
