we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
