If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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