when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
