if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize