So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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