I'm drive I can fine osifer
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My boob is missing a layer of skin
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
