sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
