im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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