sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
