Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
