i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
