you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
