My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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